Another Problem We Should Be Talking About.
There's an article being linked to on the JBlogsphere that has me a little angry at them moment. It's about allegations of sex abuse leveled against a former HS Rebbe. One thing people seem shocked at is that such serial molesters could exist in the Rabinate.
I'm angry because I'm not.
People need to remember that for many sexual predators the pleasure comes from the power over their victims, not the actual sex act. As such, predators often seek out positions of power and trust. That's why there seem to be so many more cases involving teachers and clergy. There really aren't any more than there used to be. The difference is that now victims are stepping forward.
Another thing people need to remember is that like a predator in the wild, the sexual predator is attracted to the weakest of the flock. The ones who stand the best chance of being caught with the least amount of effort. The ones who's parents won't listen or who will blame themselves. Not the sort of person who will have the will to resist them and report it. Which, in my opinion, is why sexual molestation should be like murder and not subject to a Stature of Limitations. In some way, it's even more devastating to the victims than murder: a victim of molestation has to live with the memory of the violation.
I have a former classmate who was abused by a family member. I do not know this because he told me. In fact, we have not been in touch in several years. I know because another family member contacted me, asking me to approach the victim and ask him to seek reconciliation with his molester. The relative included letters my classmate had sent them expressing the betrayal he felt. I declined to get involved at the time, feeling uncomfortable. I still feel that I did the right thing, but now I'm thinking it's time to get in touch with him just to get in touch with him and see how he is.
That was my first exposure to the world of sex abuse in the Jewish community. Later, thanks to family and a certain national youth organization, I got to learn more.
While I wish I had remained ignorant, one thing I want to make people aware of is a continuation of what I said last week: talk about this. If you have children, discuss this with them. Let them know that no-one, no matter how much "authority" they have over them, should be touching them beneath their clothes. Explain how there are sick people out there and the sick people are the ones at fault, not them. Let them know that they can come to you and tell you and you WILL believe them and you WILL protect them because they are your child and you love them.
Don't wait until after the fact.
There's an article being linked to on the JBlogsphere that has me a little angry at them moment. It's about allegations of sex abuse leveled against a former HS Rebbe. One thing people seem shocked at is that such serial molesters could exist in the Rabinate.
I'm angry because I'm not.
People need to remember that for many sexual predators the pleasure comes from the power over their victims, not the actual sex act. As such, predators often seek out positions of power and trust. That's why there seem to be so many more cases involving teachers and clergy. There really aren't any more than there used to be. The difference is that now victims are stepping forward.
Another thing people need to remember is that like a predator in the wild, the sexual predator is attracted to the weakest of the flock. The ones who stand the best chance of being caught with the least amount of effort. The ones who's parents won't listen or who will blame themselves. Not the sort of person who will have the will to resist them and report it. Which, in my opinion, is why sexual molestation should be like murder and not subject to a Stature of Limitations. In some way, it's even more devastating to the victims than murder: a victim of molestation has to live with the memory of the violation.
I have a former classmate who was abused by a family member. I do not know this because he told me. In fact, we have not been in touch in several years. I know because another family member contacted me, asking me to approach the victim and ask him to seek reconciliation with his molester. The relative included letters my classmate had sent them expressing the betrayal he felt. I declined to get involved at the time, feeling uncomfortable. I still feel that I did the right thing, but now I'm thinking it's time to get in touch with him just to get in touch with him and see how he is.
That was my first exposure to the world of sex abuse in the Jewish community. Later, thanks to family and a certain national youth organization, I got to learn more.
While I wish I had remained ignorant, one thing I want to make people aware of is a continuation of what I said last week: talk about this. If you have children, discuss this with them. Let them know that no-one, no matter how much "authority" they have over them, should be touching them beneath their clothes. Explain how there are sick people out there and the sick people are the ones at fault, not them. Let them know that they can come to you and tell you and you WILL believe them and you WILL protect them because they are your child and you love them.
Don't wait until after the fact.
posted by - Typo Lad | 1:59 PM
3 Comments:
Good post. I would just note that most of the outrage is not at all shock that it could happen; it's outrage that it was covered up for so long (again).
There are sick people in every culture. It is a wonder the people still believe the yetzer hara cannot exist within the confines of Yeshiva walls.
My son is almost 4 and we have talked to him about never going into a bathroom alone with someone and that noone but mommy or daddy or certain select other people shoudl help him in the bathroom. It is very sad to have to talk about these subjects with a little boy, but we have seen what can happen if you don't.
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