Was Douglas Adams Right?
In his book series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy , the late author included a device called the Somebody Else's Problem field (or SEP). The Someone Else's Problem field is a field generated by the user, which causes the mind of the observer to ignore it/him/her and generally think it's "someone else's problem" ergo it is not the observers problem, ergo it does not. In a sense, exist for the observer (who we should probably call the "would-be-observer", now that I think about it).
The sad part is this isn't much of a stretch from how the world works these days. Genocide in Daffur? Oh it doesn't affect me, so I'll ignore it. The fact that slavery still exists in this world? The politicians can handle that. That beggar over there? There are shelters to take care of that sort.
This is very much not a Jewish mindset, at least not according to how I was raised. When I was in 8th grade I had an amazing Rebbe. It was he who pointed out to me that when something bad happens we should not be thinking "Why did HaShem> let this happen?" Rather, we should be thinking "What can I do, somehow, to help prevent this from happening again?" It is for this reason that I feel it is the obligation of every frum Jew to be aware of politics and vote (although I respect that not everyone feels this way). It is for this reason that I think it is important we be aware of what is happening around us. Not just in the outside world either, but in our own backyards.
How many Jewish parents know the names of their children's friends? How many of them know the parents of those friends? How many of them let their children go under the Shmeirah of people who are practically strangers without a second thought? How many of us don't know what books they are reading and or what movies they are seeing or what video games they are playing?
What brought all this up?
A friend of mine's sister was admitted to the hospital last night. You see, she has an eating disorder. One of her friends convinced her that regurgitation was the key to remaining thin and beautiful.
This is a teenage girl. A frum teenage girl, in a loving home. Her parents are kind and wise and have raised her and all her siblings to be good people. Yet this happened. I'm sure they didn't think it could happen. I don't know if they were even aware of the evils of bulimia and anorexia and the rest of that ilk.
This got me wondering: Who is making sure that frum Jews are aware of such things? Rabbanim take the time to speak out against the evils of living in a mudna society and while there may be dangers, this isn't something that came from "outside". It came from inside our own communities.
And don't say "well it's a corruption that first came from outside." Talk to a Shadchan. Ask her if she's ever had to tell a potential Shidduch that the other person was not interested because of size. Ask her if she's ever refused to help someone because of size (I know of at least two cases). Yet we wonder how something like this can happen?
My wife and I know a lovely girl. When we came for Shabbos we would have to sit and hear the father making constant cracks about this girl's appearance. "Why are you so fat?". This girl was maybe 120 pounds if she even weighed that much. This, obviously, did wonders for her self-esteem. She is now, Baruch HaShem, married with a husband who loves her.
Not everyone ends up that lucky. We know an adult who is obsessed with her weight. She looks forward to catching stomach viruses because then she can throw up and not feel guilty about it. When other people get sick she is jealous. She treats anyone who's large like less than human.The fact that this woman is raising daughters scares me. For that mindset to be imprinted on anyone else...
"That's horrible but," says the average person "how is it my problem?"
How is it not?
When mindsets like this are allowed to exist in frum homes, when we essentially stand by and watch our fellow Jews commit suicide, we may as well be killing them.
Stand up, Klal Yisroel. Talk about this. Talk about the drug use in Yeshivot. Talk about the problems of alcohol abuse. Talk about what happens when people with no knowledge of sex suddenly decide to be sexually active. Talk about respecting yourself. Talk about whatever.
But for the love of HaKadosh BarachHu, talk.
Before it's too late.
The sad part is this isn't much of a stretch from how the world works these days. Genocide in Daffur? Oh it doesn't affect me, so I'll ignore it. The fact that slavery still exists in this world? The politicians can handle that. That beggar over there? There are shelters to take care of that sort.
This is very much not a Jewish mindset, at least not according to how I was raised. When I was in 8th grade I had an amazing Rebbe. It was he who pointed out to me that when something bad happens we should not be thinking "Why did HaShem> let this happen?" Rather, we should be thinking "What can I do, somehow, to help prevent this from happening again?" It is for this reason that I feel it is the obligation of every frum Jew to be aware of politics and vote (although I respect that not everyone feels this way). It is for this reason that I think it is important we be aware of what is happening around us. Not just in the outside world either, but in our own backyards.
How many Jewish parents know the names of their children's friends? How many of them know the parents of those friends? How many of them let their children go under the Shmeirah of people who are practically strangers without a second thought? How many of us don't know what books they are reading and or what movies they are seeing or what video games they are playing?
What brought all this up?
A friend of mine's sister was admitted to the hospital last night. You see, she has an eating disorder. One of her friends convinced her that regurgitation was the key to remaining thin and beautiful.
This is a teenage girl. A frum teenage girl, in a loving home. Her parents are kind and wise and have raised her and all her siblings to be good people. Yet this happened. I'm sure they didn't think it could happen. I don't know if they were even aware of the evils of bulimia and anorexia and the rest of that ilk.
This got me wondering: Who is making sure that frum Jews are aware of such things? Rabbanim take the time to speak out against the evils of living in a mudna society and while there may be dangers, this isn't something that came from "outside". It came from inside our own communities.
And don't say "well it's a corruption that first came from outside." Talk to a Shadchan. Ask her if she's ever had to tell a potential Shidduch that the other person was not interested because of size. Ask her if she's ever refused to help someone because of size (I know of at least two cases). Yet we wonder how something like this can happen?
My wife and I know a lovely girl. When we came for Shabbos we would have to sit and hear the father making constant cracks about this girl's appearance. "Why are you so fat?". This girl was maybe 120 pounds if she even weighed that much. This, obviously, did wonders for her self-esteem. She is now, Baruch HaShem, married with a husband who loves her.
Not everyone ends up that lucky. We know an adult who is obsessed with her weight. She looks forward to catching stomach viruses because then she can throw up and not feel guilty about it. When other people get sick she is jealous. She treats anyone who's large like less than human.The fact that this woman is raising daughters scares me. For that mindset to be imprinted on anyone else...
"That's horrible but," says the average person "how is it my problem?"
How is it not?
When mindsets like this are allowed to exist in frum homes, when we essentially stand by and watch our fellow Jews commit suicide, we may as well be killing them.
Stand up, Klal Yisroel. Talk about this. Talk about the drug use in Yeshivot. Talk about the problems of alcohol abuse. Talk about what happens when people with no knowledge of sex suddenly decide to be sexually active. Talk about respecting yourself. Talk about whatever.
But for the love of HaKadosh BarachHu, talk.
Before it's too late.
posted by - Typo Lad | 9:16 AM
2 Comments:
'Stand up, Klal Yisroel. Talk about this. Talk about the drug use in Yeshivot. Talk about the problems of alcohol abuse. Talk about what happens when people with no knowledge of sex suddenly decide to be sexually active. Talk about respecting yourself. Talk about whatever.'
Here is one organization that is trying to do something about alcohol and drug abuse among Jews:
http://www.jacsweb.org
To anyone who thinks that by sending their kids to a Jewish day school they will automatically avoid drug problems: Please come out of denial. You would not believe the stories I've heard from the students, and from their teachers. It appears to be just as big a problem in charedi schools as in Modern Orthodox schools. More isolation from the so-called secular world is not the answer.
And I don't think that the excesses we see at times in shuls is a help. How many of our shuls wink at kiddush clubs? How many of our shuls out and out encourage excesses on Purim and Simchat Torah. I am thankful that there are two alcohol-free shuls in my neighborhood so we don't have to put up with the folks who can't set a good example.
Thank you for another important post.
" It appears to be just as big a problem in charedi schools as in Modern Orthodox schools. More isolation from the so-called secular world is not the answer."
How did you come to this conclusion? Maybe the problem is not enough isolation? Are there any real isolated Charedi communities. Just about everyone that I can think of has major transportation lines running through them - boro park, williamsburg, crown heights... maybe the solution IS to go to the desert?
The drugs have to be coming from somewhere, they aren't growing in Flatbush, are they?
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