"Funny, She Doesn't LOOK Jewish"

My wife works for a Jewish educational body. After what she just told me, I don't know how pleased I am with some of what it seems that they're teaching.

A former student came by to say hello. My wife was glad to see her and they spoke for a while. When she left, a student aid commented "Who was she?" The secretary looked at the student and said, "I know! I was wondering if she had the right place."

Why, do you ask?

She�s Black. Not a convert, either. Her parents and her parent's parents were just as Jewish as yours or mine. Yet the second these two saw her skin color they thought "Not Jewish! Outsider! Bad!"

This is hardly an atypical reaction to Black Jews, at least in my experience. I've actually known two who were essentially driven away from yidishkite by such attitudes. The first lived in a very frum community where she couldn't get past the staring. Despite living there for some time, everywhere she went, she was stared at.

The other one I haven't spoken to in years. She is a gioret and in her case, much of the problem manifested in terms of shidduchim

A story, by way of illustration:

I was going to a wedding with a young Rabbi and Rebitzen from my neighborhood. On the way the Rebitzen was asking my wife and I if we knew anyone for her younger brother. When we asked what kind of girl he was looking for she began describing, essentially, a tzadeket. When I asked her to narrow it down, she said �Like FM from your shul, but older of course.�

"What about J?" was my immediate response (J being the above mentioned gioret).

"No."

"Why not? Doesn�t she have that exact personality?"

"Yes, but it's not Shayich."

"How so? She's exactly what you're describing and you admit it!"

"It�s just not Shayich. okay? Let�s drop it."

I, being my usual charming self, did not. Finally she admitted that in "his circles" marrying a gioret would be an issue on it's own. so Kal V�Chomer marrying a Black woman....

I lost a lot of respect for the Rebitzen in question that day.

(The best part of this story was telling it over � sans names of course- to someone who began to loudly and vocally agree with the Rebitzen, unaware that a Black FFB was standing behind her. He might still not be speaking to her)

I simply don't get it. Aside from not getting the stigmatization of converts (a subject for another day), I don't understand how Jews can be racist against other Jews. I mean, here we have someone keeping Torah and Mitzvot just like us, but because of the color of my skin we pre-judge them. How is this in keeping with the Torah?


I'm reminded of a flap roughly three years ago when a diverse NY-area shul was in need of repairs. Another local shul, which does not meet during the summer, offered them use of their location while the repairs were underway. There was apparently one condition: None of the Black Congregants could attend� and the Rav allegedly initially went along with it. Eventually it was all sorted out, but the fact that it could even happen boggles my mind. We're not talking about the deep South in the 1950's. This is New York in the 21st century. I can understand the Rav of the shul giving into the pressure for a moment, but for the other shul to even ask such a thing? The Black Jews they wanted to exclude walk several miles every Shabbos to get to Shul. We need to be embracing people like that, not chasing them away.


(I want to stress that the issue above was resolved and that both Rabbanim involved publicly and privately asked for and received forgiveness from those they had wronged. I'm merely using it as an example and do not intent to re-open old wounds)


I don't want to sound like I'm frum-bashing either. I've seen secular Jews do it as well. Let's not even talk about how Black Jews are treated in Israel. I used to go to camp with one there. Great guy, wonderful family, but certain kids avoided him like he had some kind of disease. Insane.


And it's not just Black Jews. I had a Hispanic Jewish classmate who used to get called racial slurs all the time in Yeshiva. In fact, one time he even privately went over to a Rebbe to ask him to please stop using the term "spic" in class as it offended him (The Rabbi, to his credit, immediately realized how wrong he had been and apologized profusely). I'm sometimes amazed that he's still frum at all with the treatment he received.

What's wrong with us? Why are we so caught up in the externals? Why are we so quick to judge based on so little?

In case you were wondering about my wife's reaction, first she informed them that the girl's family had most likely been Jewish longer than theirs and then she paused, as she sat there in her fall and her long skirt, a far cry from her days in Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception, and said "Looks can be deceiving."

I love that woman.